Monthly Archive for June, 2007

Castlevania : Harmony of Shit

Published
by
Eric
on June 25, 2007
in Games and Rants
. 1 Comment

This game didn’t exactly just hit the shelves or anything. It’s pretty fucking old, but I am just now getting around to playing it, and I really wish I never had. What a turd it is. Everything about this game screams shit. The music has to be some of the worst in gaming history. Its one of the only games I can think of that I prefer the sound off. It’s not like I’m missing anything cause the sound effects are pretty fucking lame too.

Then there is the fact that even as far as I am in the game I still can’t get used to the way it controls because its so unnatural. Mainly the jumping. Juste Belmont jumps like an old man defying gravity. Its more like falling upward than jumping. I’m sick of the pussy whip that you are stuck with for the entire game, and even tho I’ve gone through plenty of armor and capes, Juste still looks like he did the second I turned on this piece of shit, Gay. How many Alucard looking characters does this series need for Christ’s sake? They are cheapening the Alucard look when they make pussies like Juste who look just fucking like him. And the constant blue ghosting effect following everything you do in the game just adds to his flamboyance.

I am a huge Castlevania fan, but this is a piece of shit. It’s not even slightly fun. The puzzles are cheap as hell, and the only real challenge is wandering around the castle looking for the spec on your map that you missed to continue the joke of a storyline. I hate to not finish a game, but games like this just arent worth finishing.

It’s Finally Over

Published
by
Eric
on June 21, 2007
in Family
. 1 Comment

Long story short, the Quest was swapped for an Escape, and then swapped back. The wife had some things she didn’t like about it, but once it was gone she decided she could live with them over losing the things she did like. Grand total for the Keith family to buy a car = 1 week. I stopped keeping track of how many hours somewhere around 14, but I feel confident that it was roughly 20 hours altogether. Ah well at least Jen is happy, even tho neither of us can park it worth a damn. Now I can start the super fun task of getting them to replace the scratched-all-to-fuck windshield.

Blah.

Published
by
Eric
on June 16, 2007
in Rants
. 0 Comments

After another 5 hours at the dealership we came home with our Nissan Quest. The only thing worse than buying a car on your day off, is buying a car while you are trying to work. The balancing act of working while not leaving your family sitting by themselves waiting is pretty damn stressful. Luckily I remembered that I don’t give a fuck about my fellow employees and left them to die alone. They would do the same bullshit to me, so fuck them.

In other news, my mother-in-law got me the coolest keychain ever. Its two naked people on a hinge. I can make them screw any time I need a pick-me-up. It really is the little things in life.

I’d rather walk

Published
by
Eric
on June 14, 2007
in Rants
. 0 Comments

Today my wife and I went to try and trade in our Explorer for something a little more fuel efficient. We originally had our eyes set on a nice little Grand Am, but after a test drive we decided that it was pretty much a piece of shit. Luckily the dealership had basically the same thing at another location, but whiter and with a better price. Before we had it sent our way we decided to give another shot at the Quest my wife has been dreaming about for months. Originally I had been denied because they put me on it alone. We took it for another spin and stopped at BK for drinks and a snack, but after we got the price decided to go next door for some ice cream instead. We finally got back to the dealer and tho we were approved for it, they wanted to verify my wifes income. This normally would be no problem, but because of the way payroll is where she works it started looking like we were screwed. 3 hours later on the ride home we decided our Explorer wasn’t all that bad after all.

I think buying a car may become my most hated thing to do. I’d rather go to the dentist and get something drilled. The grand total was 6 hours, between 2 days, 3 of which my wife had to take off work from. Then there was the crying from my daughter due to the heat and us not running every red light for her. The only person who seemed to have a good time was my son. I know this because he threw a crying fit as I drug him away from the playroom and into the truck. Unfortunately vehicles don’t last forever, so it’s just a matter of time before we have to do this all over again. Fuck.

Supersize This

Published
by
Eric
on June 14, 2007
in Rants
. 0 Comments

Whenever I have the unfortunate task of picking up Mcdonalds on my lunch break I often think about Morgan Spurlock and how he grew famous by eating Mcdonalds for 30 days. Then I tend to think about how I feel like I’ve been eating their shit for for as long as I can remember. Maybe not consecutively but I’m sure there have been months were it was close. But because I didn’t put it in some stupid ass documentary the only thing I’ve ever seen out of it is their lame happy meal toys, and probably high cholesterol.

10 Free Apps To Help You Suck Less

Published
by
Eric
on June 11, 2007
in Computers
. 5 Comments

At least once a week I hear about someones computer being fucked up. It usually results in them taking it somewhere and paying an assload for someone to install overpriced software that is never as good as the freeware alternatives. And 9 times out of 10 it was for something retarded anyway.  Some noob ass trying to play pirate with some lame p2p app cause they heard coworkers talking about downloading a movie/cd/game etc. All they end up with is a computer full of crap which they take somewhere and pay money to have more crap put on to fix the original crap that hardly works. It’s a Crapfest.

So I have compiled a top 10 list of apps that I couldn’t live without, that if used regularly, you wont have to call the Geek Squad and look like an idiot. Get them. NOW!

1. Firefox -  This one is a given. If you don’t have this on your pc already then you are either a moron or you are completely lost when it comes to computers.

2. Adblock Plus -  I can’t tell you how much ass this plugin kicks. The only reason its number 2 is you need firefox to use it. The internet has become a very ugly place. This plugin makes the ugly go away. Not only does it remove all the common ads that have taken over the web, it also syncs with an ever-growing database.

3. AVG Anti-Virus Free - A free anti-virus program that won’t constantly bug the shit out of you and won’t slow down your pc.  Norton and Mcafee both have so much crap going on they seem more anti-ram than anti-virus.

4.  Ad-Aware Free - This program alone will solve most peoples computer problems. It will remove most all the adware you collected while surfing around on Internet Explorer. I would run this program at least once a week to keep your computer clean.

5. CCleaner - It is crazy the amount of junk this thing will clean out of your pc. A friend of mine freed over 2 Gig after running this. Not only does it remove all the leftover junk that gets stored on your computer, but it will also scan and fix errors in your registry.

6. Thunderbird -  This app is the email equivalent of Firefox. I have tried just about all the email clients and nothing comes close to the greatness of Thunderbird.

7. Gom Player -  This is hands down the best media player  on the web. It supports just about every media extension, meaning there isn’t much it won’t play. My favorite feature has to be the normalizer volume boost. If you are watching a video with weak volume it will boost the audio to your desired level. Why is it every damn movie has speech at a whisper level and then blasts you with music or an explosion as soon as you cranked the volume? No longer a problem with this app.

8. Audacity - A great app for editing and converting all kinds of audio. I have used it to convert ringtones for the most part, but there is so much more that it is capable of.

9. Winrar -  Technically not free, but once the trial runs out it simply makes you click a button each time you use it. For most people Windows’ built in compression options are fine, but for anyone who needs more options, tighter compression, or downloads a lot of files Winrar is the best.

10. Utorrent -  Though not the most advanced torrent app available, of all the ones I’ve tried it’s definitely the most lightweight. If you download a lot of stuff the last thing you need is to have all your free ram sucked away.

That was a lot more work than I had initially planned. You all owe me.

13 Steps to Nowhere

Published
by
Eric
on June 11, 2007
in Rants
. 2 Comments

Everyone knows i have a problem with cellphones. Its ok. I can admit i have a problem. Its not like its alcoholism or drug addiction or anything. Noone is getting hurt. It’s possible my wife incurred a small shipping injury like a papercut or something, but there hasnt been any sort of intervention. I just thought that some company somewhere was capable of making a phone that could do everything i wanted it to do, while also looking good, oh and not being an expensive piece of shit while doing it.

But just as I have found with other things in life, any type of device or software that tries to do the jobs of several others always ends up sucking a bunch of cock. “Multifunctional” and “All-In-One” are words that tend to scare me a bit. It always feels like they gathered up all the bad features of each and threw them all in together for one big universal suckfest.

I don’t know why I thought a cellphone would be any different. I have been through 28 phones in the last year always with the hope that the next one would be the exception. The only way i was able to get all the features i wanted was to go with a phone running windows mobile, and just a week of that was enough to slap me back to the reality that I just dont really need all that extra shit. Maybe in 3-5 years I will continue the quest for the ultimate phone. Maybe I just expect too much out of todays technology.