TriggerWicked

Wow 6 days with no new posts. I guess in comparison to having a child nothing has really felt even worth blogging about. Either that or I am a lazy ass. Things seem to be jumping on my sisters part of town. She just bought a house, which is super fucking awesome. Sucks that she won’t be in the same town as me anymore, but we won’t be in Hendersonville too much longer ourselves anyway.

I still haven’t informed my grandfather that he not only has a new great granddaughter, but she also shares the same name as his daughter. I guess to be honest I really just don’t care if he ever knows. Aside from showing up to a single dinner, and coming to my son’s 3rd birthday party he has shown absolutely no interest in forming any relationship with my son. It’s funny that every time I call he had just stepped out, yet never returns my calls. And to be honest that is totally fine with me. I’m not thrilled about it, but I’m also not losing any sleep over it. I’ve made more than my share of attempts. It’s typical behavior to be expected from that side of my family. Never caring an ounce more than they absolutely have to. I guess it’s the fact that I know Gav and Laura could go their entire lives never even knowing who he or anyone else on that half of my family is, and it’ll never amount to more than “oh I never really knew my great grandparents”. Being able to say you knew your great grandparents is one thing, but to actually live long enough to meet your great grandchildren and be in a state of health that you could even build a relationship and be a part of their lives is colossal. I can’t even begin to try to put into words how that would make me feel….. well aside from extremely old. Am I stupid to think that is something huge in life? There are times that it absolutely blows my mind to think that I have children who could possibly carry this family so far into the future that theres not a person in the world who even knows who Jen and Eric Keith were.

Then again maybe I just can’t relate. I guess until I too am at the age of 75 and am also more worried about feeding those raging hormones of mine than meeting a future piece of myself, I just really can’t say how I will feel. It’s just pathetic that it would be more convenient for him that they just learn of him after he is dead and gone. As far as I’m concerned that is ultimately his loss.

What angers me far more than a big portion of my own family not seeming to give a fuck, is the new family I have grown into. The in-laws. And how they freakishly remind me of my own family. Nowhere near as bad, but following the same “caring only as much as I have to” formula. I wont rag too hard on them since they at least showed face, but I just wish they could see how their failure to become at least average grandparents tears up my wife. Theres nothing like keeping your expectations low only to still be disappointed in the end. In their defense I guess they just have more important things going on right now. Too important to pick up the phone and ask how things are going. That must be one fancy fucking house they are building.

Maybe as usual it’s just me. Eric being the ass hole that he is. Making a bunch of nothing into a big mess. Granted, I’m not the model parent by any means, but I would like to think I become a better parent each day. I think out of all the things you could say about being a parent, the most brutally honest and no bullshit way to describe it would be inconvenience. Children come into the world unable to comprehend anything being more important than them and what is happening in their life at this very moment. But I feel that in the end its the job of the parents to preserve that as best we can, as inconvenient for everything else in life it may be.