June 29th, 2009 . Posted in life, zen | No Comments »
As far back as I can remember I feel I have been searching for the answers to life’s questions. Throughout many different beliefs I have seen many possible truths, yet the ever seeking ways of my mind are never satisfied for long and new truths are always there to be found. I have always seen this as a feature that I liked, almost proud, that I had an unquenchable thirst for the real truth. But now I am beginning to see how that craving for truth is no different than craving anything else. And not only does it drag me along unpredictable mood swings, but is without a doubt the number one thing that pulls me out of the present. Even during the short times I feel satisfied with my temporary views, I am still always feeling them out in the back of my mind, looking for a loophole to exploit and in turn deconstruct it all Circuit City style.
I have grown so tired of this process. I already know there are infinite ways to the same limitless truth. I feel as tho the seeking aspect of my “self” has been holding the reigns for far too long and is heading in the wrong direction. The only way to develop myself any further is to embrace the lacking aspects of my “self” like compassion, contentment, and lovingkindness and what better tool to use than my own ever seeking mind. By turning that seeking aspect within I feel that I will have all the motivation I could ever need to help the lacking aspects of my self to shine through. I feel like I have spent my entire life drawing maps, and have yet to take a single step. The direction we take is not near as important as that we simply keep moving.
June 29th, 2009 . Posted in life, zen | No Comments »
Today I realized how much more concentration is required to see through the self when pain is involved. Somehow I’ve thrown my back out, most likely from carrying my daughter around (she’s been a lil sick). My discomfort has left me very impatient and after so much work on all that I can now really see the hell we create for ourselves when we can’t see passed ourselves. I have been trying to use the pain as a reminder to keep my back straight as I have horrible posture. I guess its helping a little.
June 14th, 2009 . Posted in computer | No Comments »
My computer and monitor finally arrived, and amazingly in one piece. I should have know that since the boxes werent all busted up that something else would be wrong with them. I’m not sure exactly what the deal is, but my monitor is picking up some frequencies from the computer when there is activitiy. Most noticably when I drag a window around the desktop. I have tried multiple operating systems, cables, adapters, and even monitors and still saw no change. The only thing that seems to help is upping the refresh rate on the monitor, but this option only comes available when in lower resolutions and defeats the purpose of having a crisp monitor. Maybe if i had a monitor that supported DVI the lines would go away. I really wish I had just gotten the lil netbook now. Small, portable, quiet, and best of all NEW! It never fails I get burned when I buy from eBay, I think buying electronics used is just a bad idea in general really. At some point I should bring up something about colon cleansers, but thats really gonna be a stretch. I have no idea what to do first with this heap of electronic garbage. I suppose I can start by sending the pc itself back and swapping out or finding a new one altogether. I dread buying anything of eBay tho. Guess I’ll just tough it out.
June 6th, 2009 . Posted in buddhism, life, zen | 2 Comments »
When you look in the mirror you see yourself, but the mirror is not you, but by just being a mirror it reflects what is in front of it. A good mirror does not change the image in any way. To me this is the true way of life. True acceptance. I am a Zen Buddhist and my wife is a Christian. When she found that buddhists meditate she didn’t ask why, she brought me a fountain because she accepted me for who I am and felt it would help. But I have never really accepted her, or anyone else for that matter. That’s not to say I didn’t try. I thought what i was doing was accepting, but from here I see I was just tolerating. For the first time I understand how important it is to let things be what they are without any want to change them. Just let the ocean be an ocean, and a dogwood tree be a dogwood tree. Everything is perfect the way it is and is yet always changing the way it is. This to me is the key to life, and I will strive to be mindful of that in every moment.
June 6th, 2009 . Posted in computer, life, zen | No Comments »
There are so many things in my life that I realize I have formed a wrong opinion of. Many of them from when I was very young, some of them from not so long ago. By taking a different approach to things in my life lately I could see many of these things. I liked sports as a kid, but at some point in my life started to notice how fanatical people get about them and because of that decided I hated sports. I no longer hate sports, but I am also not a huge fan of them. To me sports are just sports, I am neutral. Same goes for several types of music or even foods that because of where I was at one point I carried that same view with me tho I myself was always changing. I see nothing wrong with forming an opinion on something, but i think it is good to first question where the opinion comes from. What factors are leading to that opinion? But even more important I think is to make sure your opinions are as impermanent as the world around you. You are always changing, and so will your opinion on things, so it doesn’t make sense to hang on to an opinion that is no longer true to where you are.
With that being said…..I am not a mac fan lol. Not because I am so PC that I think macs suck, not because I am huge gamer and mac’s don’t offer the same quality and selection of games. But because I now currently own one, and I do not enjoy it in the same way that I did having a PC. Out of all the setups I have tried I think an Ubuntu/Windows combo works best for me. Just like if you feel you need diet pills, find some diet pills that work for you. Thats not to say that a mac sucks, or that I will never prefer a mac to a pc, but I sure don’t today lol.
June 6th, 2009 . Posted in buddhism, life, site, zen | No Comments »
I am at a point where I realize all religions, both those I did and didn’t try myself, all paved the way to my current understanding, and I am forever grateful to all of them. They all led to here. Though I realize this I still plan to keep a zen view, as I feel it describes things in a way that fits with me, and helped put everything else into perspective.
With that in mind I’d like to keep my blog an expression of who I am, while being mindful that not everyone (all 3 of you) who read it are buddhist. I don’t always have to use something buddhist to make a point. I could use steel buildings if i wanted and make the same point. I can see the same truths in all religions. I feel it really all comes down to an individuals interpretation of them.
June 6th, 2009 . Posted in zen | No Comments »
The other day I realized that zen really does come full circle. In the end to fully see through the ego you have to even let go of zen itself for a bit. This left me very confused as to what was next, as you can see how all over the place i was in my last two posts. I think I was ultimately left with the thought that to help someone you really have to walk their path with them. But something about that didnt feel right. Like I would be udoing all the personal progress I had made myself. It would be as if to say if someone had Mesothelioma cancer the only way to truly understand where they are and help is to have it yourself. I understand in a way that sounds very self centered, but can you really even ease someone else’s suffering by suffering with them? I don’t think you can. I think just by being true to ones own self you help them to see their own truth and in turn they help themselves. The beauty of subject-object is the harmony of singular and plural. They there the same in that they are both different from one another. The answer isn’t to completely remove the ego any more than it is to over inflate it, but to see it as transparent and be mindful in keeping it in a perfect middle.
June 3rd, 2009 . Posted in buddhism, site | No Comments »
To clarify for anyone who caught my post “No Approach” possibly from an rss I now realize that it truly is our perspective on the subject, and you can’t deny one because of the other. 2 sides to the same coin, as Suzuki would say. My view in “Right Approach” stands, as does my realization in “No Approach”, but to say that noone is suffering is to only describe one side of things. Sometimes you have to take a dualistic approach on things. With that said I feel I should paste my previous post.
No Approach
I now see the error in my last post. The right approach is to not approach at all. if you want to save the world just save yourself and realize there is nothing to save. It will wash through every being in every moment. To say one is suffering is to separate one from the whole, but when the subject drops off so does the object. They exist because of the other. Like love and hate, day and night. When you pray at church I pray with you at church. Because I am buddha you are buddha too. It feels silly to try and explain it. Words limit far too much, and it does not need explaining. Because it is, I can know it, because I know it, so do you. To say anything more just clouds the truth, and makes my family and friends worry I’ve lost my mind. Lol I guess in a way I have. I’ve lost my small mind like a drop of water is lost in the ocean.
Neither post really puts in to words what I want to say, but it can be hard to find the right words. Just like it can be hard to find good leads for insurance lol.
June 1st, 2009 . Posted in buddhism, zen | No Comments »
After typing away at my latest post and watching it grow to multi post status, I soon realized not only the wrong approach in my post, but also the wrong approach of my entire blog, and really any other attempt of anyone to liberate someone else through means that are foreign to the person you are trying to help. Most people are already very firm in their beliefs, and to come at them with something that is contrary to their own beliefs , no matter how good the intention, does not help them in any way. You know how you feel when theres a knock on the door, and you answer it to find the Jehovah’s Witnesses staring back at you. No offense to them, but this is a horrible approach. How is my blog any different? I had already planned that after typing out that massive post on the immense eye opener that my day was, that I would hop on Twitter and Facebook and see how many people I could lasso in here. My intention was purely to maybe plant a seed that would hopefully one day blossom in someone else the indescribable feeling of freedom that I now feel, but upon the loading of my blog would any non Buddhist even make it past the loading of the Buddha themed header? I think not. I saw this first hand simply trying to explain the magnitude of my Buddhist day to my Christian wife.
But this also does not mean that I can just turn a blind eye to the suffering of others. I cannot unsee what I have seen. But I don’t have to bang on doors or shout Buddhism to show the liberation that Buddhism brings. I will show it through my very being, and when others see the Buddha shine through me they may plant their own seeds. Buddhism is just a path to alleviate suffering, just as Christianity is a path to stand with God in eternal bliss….where there is no suffering. 2 paths that both extend and return to the same place. You. The minor details are nothing more than your perception of them.
So why would I need to convince a Jew of Buddhism? To help a Jew do I have to ask them to shed their beliefs and take on mine? No. Let me take on yours, for I have nothing to fear. Religion is nothing more than a tool. So if you need to drive a nail, just use a hammer, don’t try to convince a nail that its a screw so you can use a screwdriver. Use the right tools for the right job. Buddhism was and will be “my” tool, but I cannot even attach to Buddhism itself. If I truly want to alleviate the suffering of others then it is me who needs to broaden my inventory, not the other way around.
With that said I have a lot of reading and sitting to do, and in order to be at my best a sleep number bed would really come in handy.
May 31st, 2009 . Posted in computer | No Comments »
I’ve been up all night checking out my sons new G4 imac, and im pretty impressed. I’ve never cared to even try a mac due to the fact that I’ve always been into pc gaming, but aside from the occasional game of Brick Breaker on my phone, I don’t really play games anymore. So with that issue out of the way, and after spending some time on one, I could definitely see myself converting to mac. I would probably need something just a tad faster than this one, and of course a way to continue burning movies, and I would be set. Just about all my usual software is Mac compatible, and the ones that aren’t I’ve already found replacements for. Who knows maybe I will make a permanent switch. Like with the eye cream.
I really hope Gavin likes his new computer, which I believe he does, and that we can get his airport card in quick so he can get back to his pbskids and nickjr games lol.